


Every Shade in the Rainbow

by chromyrose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drabble Collection, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Potterstuck, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 12:37:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 11,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2581685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chromyrose/pseuds/chromyrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>re-posts of my best short fics written for various tumblr requests. pairings as chapter titles and prompts in chapter summaries. [some chapters are NSFW, most are perfectly tame]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dirk/Jane/Roxy

It is Not-Jake day. No one is allowed to reference him. His name is not to be spoken.

They are tired of pining after him, the dork for whom they all have fallen, hard, and the search of solace has brought them all into each other’s arms.  
Roxy has herself draped over Jane’s legs, her face pressing kisses to the hot skin of Jane’s exposed belly. It’s intimate and Jane wants to protest but Dirk has his hands in her hair and he’s holding her like she’s fragile, even though he’s gay and she’s not for him, she feels like something precious under his touch.

She’s not sure when it became Shower-Jane-With-Love day, but she can’t complain. Roxy is nuzzling her like something small and found and happy, so happy. And Dirk is kissing her cheek now, his lips rough and boyish and warm, and her stomach is fluttering like mad. This is what love feels like, she thinks, never wanting the feeling to go


	2. Equius/Aradia [NSFW]

Aradia put her hands on Equius’ bare, cool skin, and danced her fingers over his taut muscles. She could feel the raw power that threaded him together, just beneath his rough skin, and the realization excited her. Her toes curled, and her wings fluttered a little, as the excitement coursed through her warm veins.

"A-are you alright, Aradia?" Equius stammered, looking up at her with doleful, big blue eyes. She laughed and kissed the wide bridge of his nose.

"Don’t look so sad, silly, I’m fine." She assured him. "You’re not going to hurt me, baby."

Equius flushed blue, and Aradia laughed again; adopting cutesy human pet names was proving to be more rewarding than she’d expected. He put his hands on her breasts, his calloused thumb rubbing the maroon flush of her nipples. Aradia moaned, and her bulge made an attempt for his nook, though it was bound by her underwear.

Shyly Aradia bent down into his touch and kissed him, and he kissed her back and it was more than perfect, honestly. For all that he was afraid of touching others, Equius was always gentle, but when Aradia was the one setting the pace he responded in earnest.  
Underwear came off and was thrown to the floor, and then Aradia’s bulge wound itself around her lover’s. Equius grunted, sweat sliding down his thick jaw, and Aradia kissed it away, grunting in response.

Soon she become so wound up that she couldn’t wait any longer, and her bulge slid into Equius’ nook. He whimpered and she was urged on, her hands on his face, stroking his cheeks as she filled him and pounded him with as much force as she would muster.  
She pulled her bucket out when he started to keen, and the sight of him defiling it with his genetic material brought her to her finish too.

Equius took the bucket from her and put it out of sight, before inviting her into his chest. Aradia murmured appreciatively, using his thick muscles as a pillow, and fell asleep safe in her matesprit’s arms.


	3. Jake/Aradia [NSFW]

Her long hair draped over her shoulder, the soft curls framing the breasts that Jake could not get his hands off of. While she wasn’t the blue girl of his dreams, Aradia was the best adventure-partner any man or troll could wish to have, and alien sex was definitely an adventure!

Aradia leaned in again and kissed him messily, her sharp teeth stimulating his lips and whatever blood wasn’t flowing south was headed straight for his face. Her hands were on his thighs, calloused, pretty fingers pressing circles into his skin, and he was so hot for her he couldn’t wait even one more moment!

He rolls the condom on, because gentlemen never embrace their lovers bare, that would be rude!, and presses into the wet orifice that she had called her ‘nook’.

He bucked up into her, tighter than even Dirk was their first time which was ridiculous, this whole was meant to be plunged into. The heat of her, the pleasure of the act, made him so dizzy, he barely minded how the tentacle-like dick-thing smearing his stomach maroon.

With a final thrust he couldn’t hold on anymore; he came into her, squeezing her shoulders tight. She smiled at him with smeared lipstick and a goofy grin, and pumped herself until she was coming into a bucket beside them.

He pulled out and added his little bit of cum to the bucket, sheepishly smiling as his genetic material sat atop hers. Aradia giggled, and kissed him again.


	4. Dave + Bro, family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the prompt for this one was "midnight sales"

1.

The first time Dave Strider attends a midnight release, he hasn’t even turned two years old yet. He’s fairly small for his age at 21 months, though, so Bro is still able to nestle him comfortably in the baby carrier and hold Dave close to his chest as he waits in the brisk September night. The Nintendo 64’s release is a big deal, especially at the biggest Toys R Us in Houston, so the pair of them have been camped out for hours; Bro was relieved he’d thought to take Dave to the playground earlier in the day to expend all his extra energy, because by 8 pm the kid was full from his supper and out like a light. Plus, wearing Dave on his chest was getting Bro plenty of attention from the ladies on line, and even the media; Bro told the reporter covering the release that Dave was the world most adorable tiny gamer, and when he showed off the little Link costume he’d lovingly sewn for his brother, there was no one who could disagree. Midnight struck and consoles and fistfuls of cash were chucked all over the store, but Dave, heavy sleeper that he was, didn’t stir until Bro first turned the N64 on when they got home.

2.

"Broooooo," Dave whined, tugging on his guardian’s pant leg and trying his very best to suppress a yawn. "I’m tired.”

"Nah, kid, you’re not tired; remember, you had an extra long nap earlier?"

Dave grumbled and failed to hold his yawn in any longer; after he was done with that, he planted his face against his Bro’s thigh and started to sob tearlessly.

"Ugh, come on," Bro said, more to himself as he scooped Dave up and held him to his chest. "We’re going to see the Muppets, remember? You love the Muppets! Think of it as a giant sleepover in the movie theater where we get to see the Muppets super big!"  
The notion was not as appealing to Dave as it was to Bro; he continued to sob as Bro shifted him, settling Dave’s head on his shoulder, only stopping when Bro rubbed his back soothingly.

"Hey, hey, that’s it. We’re gonna have awesome bro time, alright?"

Dave offered up a little sniffle, and Bro figured that was as good as he was going to get. He continued to soothe his kid until they started letting people into the theater in preparation for the film’s first showing.

Dave fell asleep in Bro’s lap during the previews and missed out on Muppets in Space entirely, but Bro figured it was worth taking a three-year old to the midnight opening given that they had the room pretty much all to themselves.

3.

It was Dave himself who insisted upon the third midnight release he went to; ever since the first Shrek commercial aired on TV during his Saturday morning cartoons, he begged Bro to take him to see it. Though he was only five years old, he devised a plan that would keep him up until 2 am, a plan that involved copious amounts of sugar and enough Coca Colas to warrant a CPS call, if anyone had noticed him drink them all.

As they waited in line for their tickets, he was pretty much literally bouncing on the sidewalk; Bro’s amusement was mostly warn off by that point in the night, but since he was fairly interested in the film too, he didn’t follow through on his threats to take them home. After an extra-long pre-film bathroom trip, Dave nestled himself in his big, plush movie theater seat and watched with bright eyes as the previews, and then finally the film, unfolded on the big screen.

Half an hour into the film, Bro turned to check on his kid after a particularly funny line, only to find him curled up in his little windbreaker, fast asleep.

4.

"Holy shit, it’s fucking freezing out here," Dave complained through his clattering teeth, his hands shoved into his armpits.

"Well what’d you fucking expect, it’s November and it’s nearly midnight, it wasn’t gonna be balmy beach weather. Why didn’t you grab a sweater, you little shit?"

"Why didn’t you tell me to grab a sweater, you oversized shit," Dave retorted with a scowl.

Bro looked at him darkly, his icy stare conveying itself even through his shades. “First off, watch your fucking mouth, or no birthday gift. Secondly, related to that, you’re very nearly 11 years old you shouldn’t need me nannying you.”

Dave said nothing until Bro looked away, at which point he just rolled his eyes. Sure, they were waiting in line for his birthday gift, a Nintendo Wii, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to complain about how balls-freezing cold it was outside.

The line progressed slowly, and Dave wondered if maybe they shouldn’t have gotten there sooner to guarantee themselves a console. When he shared this thought with Bro, the other shrugged.

"If they run out, they run out. We’ll put our names on the wait list, and then we’ll still be ahead of all the other assholes sitting at home who think they’ll be getting one for little Tommy before Christmas."

Feeling a little more content with that, Dave focused his efforts on generating more body heat with his eyes shut and knees a little bent, until the countdown to midnight started with 59 seconds. Excitement rushed through his veins and he straighten back up,   
eager to get in, grab a Wii, get home, and then spend the next few days with Twilight Princess.

"You know, this reminds me of the time I took you to the N64 lau—"

"SHUT UP BRO IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!" Dave squealed, grabbing his Bro’s arm as the countdown reached zero and dragging him along at a run into the store with the others.

Ten minutes later and significantly more ruffled than before, Dave walked out of the Toys R Us, proudly holding the very heavy shopping bag. He made no eye contact with any of the desperate buyers, until they were safely back in the apartment.

His plan to spend the next few days playing Zelda was foiled when Bro took his first turn at Wii Bowling and smashed their TV.

5.

"I can’t believe you got me to wear a fucking Robin costume. Robin’s not even in this movie!"

"We’re doing this man, we’re making it happen."

"Don’t use my own material against me!" Dave wailed, leaning back against the wall of the movie theater. Bro was dressed as Batman, with the most amazing and painstakingly accurate costume of any of the many Batmans in line for "The Dark Knight." Though Dave had begged to be the Joker, or even Commissioner Gordon, he was stuck as underwear-era Dick Grayson, and he was miserable about it.

"Quit being such a stinker, Dave," Bro said briskly, nodding at a pair of hot girls in Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn costumes as they walked by. "This is fun."

"Fun for you, yeah, impressing the babes and humiliating your bro all in one night, all we need are smuppets and we’ve got your wet dream in action."

"I can promise you, you’re not in any of my wet dreams, kid."

Dave stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes; just then, someone from the crowd came up and asked for a photo.

"Sure thing," Bro smirked, grabbing a Batarang from his belt and assuming a fighting stance. He nudged Dave with his elbow, and he too took a superhero-esque pose, not so dramatic as Bro’s. The man snapped his photo and thanked them before racing off to his friends.

"This night is gonna suck…" Dave murmured under his breath.

Hours later, when they stepped back out in the humid Houston nighttime, Dave could not stop gushing.

"That was amazing, oh my god, that cinematography! That writing! The Joker!”

Bro laughed. “Make a film like that someday, kid, and I’ll be pretty proud.”

+1

Dave lay on the makeshift bed in his makeshift room aboard the meteor that was hurling towards their nearly-assured doom. In the quiet moments like these, when he wasn’t bonding with Rose or harassing Karkat or hanging with the Mayor, he sometimes liked to wonder where Earth’s culture would have gotten if that was still a thing. What would have happened in the last Batman movie? Who was the next American Idol? What videos would have gone viral on youtube?  
These moments made him miss his Bro. For all the shit he’d given Dave as a guardian (and it was so much shit), he also indulged him in all his hobbies, took him out to do all the coolest stuff. And even if they won the game, even if they defeated Lord English and the Batterwitch and got a new universe, he was never going to get any of that back.


	5. Dirk/Jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompts were "yellow" and "it's three minutes until midnight"

They’re laying together on Jake’s bed, up in one of the twin towers rising from Prospit’s moon. Dirk is wide awake, his eyes roaming over his boyfriend’s pajama-clad form, while Jake himself is failing to keep his sleepiness at bay. 

"It’s three minutes until midnight," He complained through a yawn. "And you look about as tired as a toddler after a hearty cup of joe."

Dirk rolled his eyes behind his shades. “Don’t worry about me. If you’re tired, sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

"T-that’s hardly…" Jake yawned again and then wrinkled his nose. "That’s hardly fair at all! Maybe I want to be the protective one for a change."

"Oh really?" Dirk wondered aloud, taking off his shades and giving Jake a Look. Jake did not shy away, but maintained contact with his own sleepy green eyes.

"Yeah. Sleep?" He whispered, a whistle coming out between the gap in his front teeth as he exhaled. Jake slipped into slumber that quickly, and as Dirk put both of their glasses aside, he decided that maybe he should get some sleep, too.


	6. Eridan/Sollux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompts: "black" and "i'll love you until the end of forever"

It was only under the cover of darkness that they felt safe enough to speak their deepest feelings for once another. Eridan shifted under the comforter and snuck his arm over Sollux’s waist, letting his forearm settle on the bare skin where the other’s shirt is riding up.

"Wwhen I go, promise you ain’t gonna just up and replace me wwith the next pretty face tha’ comes by."

"Where are you going?" Sollux wondered, turned away from Eridan and breathing the words against his pillow.

"Nowwhere, I just mean hypothetically speakin’, like, if something was to happen to me, are you just gonna up and move on?"

Sollux sighed dramatically and let his eyes fall shut tight; Eridan could only see the shadow of his back collapse further into the mattress in the darkness of their bedroom.

"I’ll love you until the end of forever," Sollux finally answers, breaking the silence. And even though he isn’t looking, he can feel the tension melting out of his boyfriend. He turns so that he is resting on his other side, and presses a kiss to Eridan’s forehead, silent in the sound of Eridan’s pleasured embarrassment.

They fall asleep with their arms thrown around one another’s waists.


	7. Cronus + Dave, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a potterstuck AU. Cronus and Rose (mentioned) are in Slytherin and Dave is in Gryffindor

"Hey, Strider, you’re friends with Lalonde, right?"

Cronus Ampora had Dave Strider cornered in one of the boy’s lavatories, but the young Gryffindor’s face betrayed no emotion, favorable or otherwise.

"Yeah, we’re tight. Why?"

Cronus scoffed, and gestured at his hair, which hung somewhat limply around his face. “That fucking witch’s gone into my dormitory and hexed my bloody beauty products again!”

"Sounds like a Slytherin problem to me," Strider shrugged. "What do you even propose I do?"

"Just, I dunno, tell her off or something. Or tell me her weaknesses!"

The corner of Dave’s lips upturned. “As much as I love to see Lalonde taken down a peg or two, you’re not exactly the sort of person I wanna have a powwow with on the subject. You’re skeevy as fuck, man.”

"Oh come on,” Cronus whined. “Your bro’s told me all about how you two are attached at the hip, surely you’ve suffered at her hand before?”

"Uh, dude, quite frankly that’s none of your business. You’re supposed to be cunning or some shit, you think of something."

"I can make it worth your time," Cronus insisted, waggling his eyebrows and leaning in, "if you know what I mean."

Dave’s expression was stone-cold. “Skeevy, just like I said. You said it yourself my Bro’s in your House, you really wanna go there?”

"I thought Gryffindors were meant to be brave, not tattle-babies."

"Shit dude, and here I thought reporting the pervert in the castle was the chivalrous, noble thing to do. Obviously you know way more about my House than I do, Oh Sorting Troll.”

Cronus’ smile dropped into a hard glare. “Fuck you, Strider, you’re no better than any o’ the rest of them.”

He stormed out of the bathroom dramatically, but the effect was certainly dampened with the way his hair flopped around his face.


	8. Dave + Mituna, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potterstuck AU, Dave is a Gryffindor, Mituna is a Ravenclaw, and Cronus is a Slytherin

Despite the fact that Mituna Captor wears the same blue robes as his brother, and the rest of Hogwarts’ best and brightest, he’s kind of a retard. Literally, even, according to Terezi, who’s sister has been Captor’s girlfriend since their very first year at Hogwarts. There was an accident; apparently that’s why the third floor classroom in the East Wing is still magically sealed off.

Dave doesn’t have many classes with Captor; none except Music Theory with Flitwick, which isn’t divided off by year or House because so few students are ever enrolled. Mituna’s not very musically inclined; he can’t sing for shit, either, but Rose tells Dave that music is often a good way for people who have verbal problems to communicate, and he gathers Mituna is a lot better with tunes than with Charms or Potions.

Because things never go his way, Cronus Ampora is also in Hogwarts’ only music class; what’s worse is that the pretentious fucker is actually a pretty decent composer, though it definitely doesn’t make up for his personality defects.

"Hey, Captor," Ampora drawls in his wavy Irish voice, whilst Flitwick is helping a magical xylophonist from Hufflepuff. "You should’a heard the beautiful music your girl wvas making last night in the Room of Requirement. That Pyrope’s got a nice… wvell, evwerything, really."

"You bloody dick-slurping bastard," Mituna shouted back, "Lay off Lathula!"

"Or wvhat, you’re gonna blowv your brain to smithereens again?"

Mituna made an incomprehensible, high pitched shouting noise, and grappled for the wand tucked in his robes. Dave exhaled sharply and put his own sheet music down, placing himself physically between the two older kids.

"Really, Ampora, haven’t you got any hobbies that aren’t about your hair or giving Captor hell?"

"No one asked for your input, Strider."

"No, but no one didn’t ask for it. And that’s my girl’s sister you’re defaming, I can’t just let it slide."

"Ha, like little Terezi couldn’t do better than a pasty little bugger like you?"

"See, this is probably why you’re painfully single, you don’t know the first thing about girls. Pasty, brooding guys are the hottest this side of Magical Europe."

"Tch, look, this wvas about me an’ Captor, it ain’t any of your business."

In an instant, Ampora had hair down to his neck, and it only kept growing. Dave snorted, and then Ampora gasped in horror as the hair curled over his shoulder.

Captor was twirling his wand in a terrible attempt at being nonchalant. He dropped it, then, and crawled on the floor after it; Ampora swore at him and then ran off to the Infirmary sobbing.

"Hey, dude, you okay?" Dave asked, stepping up to where Mituna was kneeled and cradling his wand.

"I don’t need to be resthued," Mituna snapped, but his expression wasn’t harsh; if anything it was a little sad.

"I know, you had it all under control," Dave said quickly. "This isn’t about your honor, dude, I just couldn’t focus on my shit anymore. He’s the worst."

"He ith," Mituna agreed with a sigh. "You’re in Lathula’s houthe?"

"Yup."

"Thit with uth at lunch okay?"

"Huh?"

"Thit with uth," Mituna repeated, looking at Dave intently. After a moment, he nodded.

"Sure, dude, it’s a date."


	9. John + Karkat, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potterstuck AU, both John and Karkat are in Gryffindor

For all of Karkat Vantas’ life, he looked forward to the time when he would finally be old enough to go to Hogwarts. At first there was a small sense of relief when he was nine years old, and his brother was gone for ten months of the year, but Karkat was still enrolled in Muggle primary school at his muggle-born father’s insistence, so the agony of basic, boring, non-magical education persisted. There was no moment more relieving to him than the first chug of the Hogwarts Express with him on it at age eleven, as he ignored his father’s boisterous waving goodbye from the platform.

He refused to be upset when he was sorted into the same House as Kankri, because it was to be expected; Gryffindor was simply the House he most logically fit into. It wasn’t until after the Feast, when he retired to his dormitory, that Karkat’s perfect illusion of his life at Hogwarts was shattered.

"Hi there, I’m John, and this is my friend Dave!! We met on the train on the way here, can you believe he’s Muggleborn?! It looks like we’re all going to be roommate for the next seven years; I hope you don’t snore!"

—

"Psssst, Karkat, let me read your Potions paper."

"No."

"Come on, pleeeease," John whined, prodding Karkat with his toe from the other armchair. "Mine is still four inches too short and it’s due tomorrow."

"Wow, Egbert, you know what that sounds like? Not my problem. You’re in N.E.W.T.S level Potions now, you should be able to handle a paper."

"I ran out of things to say! Eye of Newt only has so many uses anyways. Come on, Karkles, I bailed you out when you needed help with that colour changing charm last year!"

Karkat scowled. “Will it make you shut up so I can read this text for Defense?”

John beamed and nodded, snatching up the parchment Karkat offered. He skimmed it, then pouted.

"How does someone even write this tiny, Jesus Karkat, can you even read this?"

With a long suffering sigh, Karkat threw his textbook at John’s head.


	10. Kurloz, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potterstuck AU, Kurloz is a Slytherin and Gamzee is a Hufflepuff

Kurloz and Meulin share their last kiss of the year aboard the Hogwarts Express, because they won’t have a chance to kiss on the platform where Mrs. Leijon will be waiting for her and Nepeta. Mrs. Leijon may be a Muggle, but Kurloz can commend her instincts, because she doesn’t trust him with Meulin, and he doesn’t trust himself with her, either. 

His beautiful, perfect Hufflepuff girlfriend gives him a final little peck on the cheek, after a makeout session that took up the entire last half hour of the trip and a quick trip to the water closet to put her hair back in place, and he waves her off the train. Kurloz does not even bother surveying the platform, because he knows his father isn’t there; Makara Sr. sends a black Muggle car to collect his sons from the entrance of King’s Cross Station. Dragging his trunk, Kurloz keeps his distance from the reunions and finds the car where it’s parked every year, and the driver is standing outside holding up a sign, “Kurloz and Gamzee Makara”, which is an unnecessary touch. But the driver smiles when Kurloz approaches, and he helps him load his things in the back of the car; he must be a Muggle, too, because no sane wizard would attempt to shoot the breeze with Kurloz, as they wait for his brother. Kurloz nods, and then uses crude sign language to convey that he cannot speak . For a moment the driver appears sheepish, and then he signs, " _I know British Sign Language_."

Amused, wondering if his father might have planned this (and deciding that was highly unlikely), Kurloz entertained the man’s questions about his “fancy boarding school” and asked politely after his family, until finally Gamzee came up to the vehicle, his clothes and hair a mess, and the sleeves of his robes sticking out of his trunk. The driver puts that away, too, and then the brothers are in the backseat, driving towards their home in one of the richest parts of Wizarding England. The drive is another three hours, and the driver talks to Gamzee for a bit, and Gamzee tries to engage Kurloz, too, but that only ends with Gamzee flipping him off when Kurloz ignores him. He’s too tired to entertain his baby brother: tired of the trip, the school year, of life itself. He distracts himself by composing a mental letter to Mituna, who spends most of his summers at St. Mungos while healers try in vain to undo the mental damage he’s done to himself. Of course, Kurloz knows that it will always be in vain, because he is aware that being in Mituna’s proximity has caused his magic to be affected by the curse on the Makara wizarding bloodline. Nothing good ever comes of a wizard who is too close to a Makara.

Kurloz was not always so negative; he’d heard house elves muttering about their curse amongst themselves when he was just a toddler, and he didn’t quite understand how it could be so bad when he had a strong, respected father, a tender, caring mother, and when even his brother was not a terrible pain the way he understood siblings could often be. As he grew older he was warned by his father, but his mother was always there to shoo his evil stories away, and things were not so terrible. 

And then for an evening his father went mad with bloodlust. It was utterly inexplicable, especially in it’s suddenness. The family of four was dining together, innocently, with Gamzee complaining about his private lessons in reading because his tutor wouldn’t let him play, and then abruptly Gamzee cut himself off, and Kurloz felt a cold demon settle in his spine. He wanted to scream and he didn’t understand it, he bit on his tongue instead. Gamzee was screaming, squalling like a baby, with fat tears plopping onto the table; Kurloz later realized he noticed that even despite the chaos, that he noticed _everything_ despite the chaos. The way his father’s pupil’s swelled like an explosion, the concern in his mother’s voice and the tension in her posture as her entire family suddenly fell to shambles. There was screeching and wailing in Kurloz’s ears but he could still hear the sound of his mother’s bones breaking when his father backhanded her out of her seat and into the wall with inhuman strength. And his mother, a witch, clutched her wand in a shaking hand as she plead with her husband to regain his sense, but she did nothing with it. Gamzee gripped on the table so hard as he wailed that it snapped in his tiny hands, and Kurloz grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and hid his brother’s eyes from the sight of their mother’s murder, but he couldn’t look away from the blood that adorned his father’s hands and the marble floors.

The next thing that Kurloz remembers is waking up in Gamzee’s bed, with his brother curled into his chest. He wonders if his father came to his senses and put them there, or if it was the last act of one of their house elves, all of whom were killed before he woke up as well. Most likely, he believes, it was an act of his own underage magic, apparating him (and by extension Gamzee, who he’d been holding onto) to a place where he felt safe.

The sun shone over their mother’s funeral in a way that made Kurloz, then seven, more bitter than her actual death. At least their father had shone remorse, had cried in front of his sons for the first and only time they could remember. Since then he was hot and cold with them, at times showing open affection, and others the coldest restraint, and Kurloz sensed that, at the very least, his father did love them. Though, given the nature of their curse, perhaps that was not something to be appreciated.  
And yet, despite his best attempts, he could not forgo forging relationships; his first year at Hogwarts was a lonely, painful experience, and he often felt that same bone chilling iciness and heard the Chucklevoodoos ringing in his ears while curled in his four poster bed. The same curse that drove his loved ones away from him drove him right to them. Whatever his ancestor had done to earn this for their bloodline, it must have been the most vile act of any Wizard in the history of humanity.

"Hey, motherfucker, where’d you get all up and lost at in your head this time?" Gamzee barked at him, but not unaffectionately. He rapped his knuckles to Kurloz’s head. "We’re home."


	11. Cronus/Dave, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potterstuck AU again, same houses (and Dirk's in Slytherin). a bit of dub-con kissing in this chapter

If there was one thing Dave hated about Hogwarts at Christmastime, and it really was only one thing, it was enchanted mistletoe. Technically the stuff was banned by Filch, but that only meant it was more omnipresent. The premise was simple; traditional mistletoe, the regular stuff he knew from growing up Muggle, with a charm cast on it: the person standing beneath the mistletoe could not move until they shared a kiss with the person who had set the enchantment. Because it was physically indistinguishable from the normal stuff that was hung all over Hogwarts in December, it was a serious threat, and any student who was caught in it in the halls was jeered and hollered at until the spell caster came to free them.

Dave didn’t used to hate it; when Karkat got caught in the bit set up by Sollux Captor, for instance, we was doubled over laughing, wishing his camera worked on school grounds. And when rumors went around that Jade had set a bit up in the Ravenclaw common room, he was only jealous that his robes were red, not blue. But then he, as he was walking to Transfigurations class two days before Christmas break, he was halted by an invisible force he could not step out of.

"Fuck."

"Dave?" John turned around, having taken the few extra steps forward. "What’s wrong?"

"Can’t move," he explained, looking up; sure enough, there was a sprig of mistletoe overhead. Karkat turned his head, and when he caught on, he burst.

"HA! Merry Christmas, Strider! Who’s the poor sap stuck kissing you?”

That got everyone’s attention, and the students around them started giggling and pointing. Dave tried to keep his cool, even though he felt his ears turning red. He could hear the sounds of people complaining, and when he looked he saw his brother pushing through the crowds, stepping up to him.

"Don’t tell me," Dave blanched. Dirk snorted.

"I don’t need shit like this to get lucky, Dave," he responded. Then he turned to address the mob of students, and spoke up, "But whoever is responsible for this shit better step up here and end it, and the rest of you, out. Get your asses to class, before I bust out the prefect’s badge and start docking House Points."

"And miss the show?" Roxy Lalonde hollered, winking at Dave. "My baby’s about to show us all how it’s done!”

"Ten points from Hufflepuff," Dirk snapped, and the Hufflepuff faction clamored all at once. "Oh shut it you dicks, get to class or I’ll set the whole school back at zero, I don’t care if that’s fucking abuse of power."

"Whoever cast this will never show up as long as you’re hanging around!" Dave complained.

"Wvhat kind of pussy do you take me for, Strider," an obvious voice cut through the crowd. "I’m right here."

"Oh hell no," the Striders said in unison. Karkat broke out into loud peals of laughter.

"No one asked you," Cronus addressed Dirk, pushing past him to get to Dave. "I set the mistletoe, I’m gonna get me a damned kiss."

"Wow, I’m sw-vooning," Dave sighed, rolling his eyes behind his shades.

Cronus stepped into the inner circle of the mistletoe, and Dave’s personal space, and braced his hands, one on Dave’s shoulder and the other on his waist. Then Cronus dipped him, and followed with his torso, pulling him into a deep kiss.

Dave could heart Jake hollering, and Dirk yelling at him, though they sounded muffled and far away with the way Dave’s heart was beating in his ears. For someone who had a shit personality and was horrible with relationships, Cronus was a really awesome kisser. Throwing all caution to the win, Dave kissed him back, righting himself upright and leaning his mouth in. Cronus smiled against his lips, then broke the kiss and grinned.

"Not bad, kid. I’ll admit I was hoping for a hot babe, but I’m content with this."

"I’m glad for you," Dirk cut in. "50 points from Slytherin, and a detention, Ampora. You know the rules about that shit, and you definitely know the rules about fucking with my brother.”

Dirk strode off angrily to class, and Ampora shrugged. Dave laughed.

"Worth it."


	12. Jade/Karkat, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I had a period where all I wrote was potterstuck fic? Jade's a Ravenclaw, Karkat's a Gryffindor

Jade Harley was sitting alone in the Three Broomsticks, sipping on warm butterbeer to combat the icy cold snow she’d been trudging through all day. The sun was nearly fully gone outside, just a streak of color low in the sky, but she lost track of time in Honeydukes as she was picking out candy to put in with all of her friends’ Christmas gifts; she had only vaguely been aware of waving her friends off when they finished their shopping, and the next time she looked up the store was significantly emptier. She knew she was going to have to head back to Hogwarts soon with her haul of sweets, but she didn’t want to leave the warm pub, busy with happy chatter.

"Harley, are you seriously still fucking here?"

Jade sat up, and opened her eyes; she already missed the warm butterbeer steam tickling her nose.

"Karkat?" She glowered. "It’s nice to see you too."

"Ugh, no, don’t take it personally, I just thought a fifth year like you would have more sense than to still be out in Hogsmeade this late. But I guess I was wrong about that, what else is new?”

“You’re still here!”

Karkat rolled his eyes, and thumbed at the “Prefect” badge on the front of his robes. “It’s my duty to make sure all the third and fourth years are back before curfew.”

"You said duty,” Jade giggled into her drink. Karkat sighed dramatically, but she quickly added, “I’m not even in your house, you don’t have to look after me, you know.”

Karkat’s face fell; it was somewhat subtle, but Jade had met him in first year Potions class, and she knew him. She shifted over in the booth and patted the seat next to hers.

"Join me?"

"I have a job, Harley…”

"Yeah, yeah, I bet there aren’t even any Gryffindor babies left out here. It’s just one butterbeer?”

Karkat looked out of the window behind Jade, then slid into the booth beside her. With a grin, Jade flagged down the barmaid and hollered for “Another butterbeer, please!”

Madam Rosmerta floated a frothy mug over as Karkat smacked his ear in an attempt to get the ringing out. He picked it up on the table when it landed, and took a huge gulp. Jade smiled and took a little sip of her own.

"Soooooo, Karkat…" 

"Hm?"

"Hooooow’re things with you and Terezi?" She asked, her voice a very poor attempt at casual. She rested her head on his shoulder and Karkat’s muscles tensed beneath her.

"…How much butterbeer have you had?"

Jade laughed, “Do you really think I need copious amounts of baby-booze to lose my inhibitions?”

"Fair point," Karkat conceded. "But my relationship with Terezi is still none of your business."

"Yeah it is," Jade murmured, "I want to ask you out."

For a moment there was silence, and Jade looked up at Karkat with wide green eyes.

Karkat avoided her gaze and looked like he wanted to bail, and he murmured back, “Just ask, then.”

"Will you go out with me?"

In lieu of an answer, Karkat shyly leaned in and pressed his lips to Jade’s.


	13. Rufioh + Tavros, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potterstuck AU, both Nitrams are Hufflepuffs

Rufioh Nitram was alone in his dormitory, polishing his broomstick when there was a knock at the door. He paused in his work, frowning; it certainly wasn’t going to be his roommates, none of whom ever knocked in the past five years they’d lived together, but he wasn’t expecting any company.

"Who is it?" He called out, still sitting on the edge of his bed.

"It’s, uh, me!"

Rufioh smiled, and put his rag back down over his wood polish. “Come in, Tav.”

The door pushed open into the room, and Tavros rolled his chair in, settling a foot away from his brother. Rufioh grinned.

"What’s up, lil bro?"

"Oh, um, well, actually, I kind of need your advice. About a girl?"

Rufioh’s eyebrows shot up. “A girl?”

Tavros nodded. “Do you know Vriska Serket?”

"Aranea’s sister? Not personally, I mean, but I’ve seen her around. Ravenclaw?"

"No, Slytherin." Tavros corrected him, then licked his lips. "She’s kind of a bully… I mean, she kind of bullies me?"

Rufioh’s interest quickly became concern, and he leaned in. “Oh, shit, Tav. Are you okay?”

"No, I mean, yeah, I’m fine. It’s like, uh, she harasses me a lot but… but today at lunch Nepeta said she thinks that’s Vriska’s way of, um, flirting? And I kind of think she might be right."

"Oh. Well, that’s no excuse, bro. If she’s bothering you, you’ve gotta tell her off."

"But I tried!" Tavros protested. "She doesn’t care!"

Rufioh scowled a little bit, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Want me to tell her off?”

"That would only make her tease me more! It’s bad enough when Gamzee does it, but at least she’s scared enough she won’t say anything around him.” 

"You’re still hanging out with Makara, Tav…?" Rufioh wondered, but he wished he could take it back when his brother’s expression darkened.

"My accident wasn’t his fault, Rufioh."

"Don’t be like that, Tav, you know I just mean about the curse. Even Dad says it’s true-"

"I don’t care!" Tavros scowled. "This isn’t about Gamzee or my friendship with him, which is kind of none of your business anyways! I came to ask for advice about Vriska…"

Rufioh sighed and got up, then wrapped his arms around his brother the best he could with Tavros in his wheelchair. “I’m sorry, bro. The deal with this Vriska girl, it kinda sounds like what I went through with Damara. Not that she was abusive, or anything, but… persistent.”

Tavros hummed. “So you’re saying I should date Vriska, then cheat on her?”

"That was a low blow," Rufioh tried to laugh as he sat back on his mattress, but it sounded pained even to his own ears.

"So was you telling me not to hang out with Gamzee."

"To be honest, Tavros, I don’t know what to tell you…"

"But people flirt with you all of the time!"

"You say that like I like it. Like I ask for it."

Tavros was still frowning. “Yeah, well, it’s better than being teased and being stuck in a wheelchair in a school made of moving stairs!”

"I don’t understand, bro, why are we fighting?"

There was a pause, and then Tavros sighed. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Rufioh nodded. “Maybe you should write to Dad about this? He might know better than me.”

"Yeah. I’ll do that. Um, thanks, Rufioh."

"Do you need help getting back to your room?"

"No, thanks."

"See you at breakfast tomorrow!" Rufioh called after Tavros as he rolled out of the dormitory.

“‘Night.”


	14. Dave + Nepeta, potterstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potterstuck AU, Dave is a Gryffindor and Nepeta is a Hufflepuff

Nepeta Leijon was sitting outside of the potions dungeon, frantically trying to finish a paper before class started. She hadn’t even realized a paper had been assigned until an hour prior, during lunch, when Tavros brought up his, and showed it to Feferi as he was worried it was “too short”. Once she realized they were talking about an assignment she had completely missed hearing about, she pulled out a clean sheet of parchment and frantically started scribbling about the topic of newts’ tails. 

"Ah, and here we have the bullshiter in her natural habitat. Be careful not to get too close, they are prone to biting." 

"Daaaave," Nepeta whined, looking up from the page long enough to pout at him. He used his fingers to form a rectangle frame, and she stuck her tongue out at him as he closed up on her face. "I’m busy!" 

"Didn’t hear about the paper, huh?"

"No! When did he even announce it?!" 

He sat down beside her. “Don’t worry about it, I missed a History of Magic paper a few weeks ago. Fortunately Binns is so spaced out he didn’t notice I put it in late.” 

Nepeta didn’t answer for a long while, until she picked up her quill. “Done! Yes!! Oh, god, I’m so glad this is over, I am going to take a long cat nap tonight.” 

Dave shrugged. “How about we go out to the lake? Dirk’s figured out that if you go to the fringes of the grounds, you can get your DS to work.” 

She squealed and looked at him, wide eyed. “Really? But I left mine at home!” 

"That’s fine, I’ve got mine. I have Animal Crossing, too." 

"Yes!" She grinned. "Let’s do it!" 

And then the classroom door opened from the inside, and the pair of friends fell in at their professor’s feet. He raised an eyebrow at them, and Nepeta thrust up her hand.

"I have my paper, sir!"


	15. Equius/Sollux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT potterstuck. the prompt was "leaving hickeys on the other’s neck"

"Captor- No, Captor, that is quite enough.” 

Sollux looked up at his boyfriend’s blue flushed face, and smirked. “Enough what? I’m not doing anything,” he said, feigning ignorance even as his fingers danced over Equius’ jugular. It was throbbing under his touch, and while even up to a perigee ago that probably would have freaked him out, he was used to his matesprit’s body-weirdness. 

"Y-you know perfectly well-! I don’t… appreciate… this sort of behavior." 

Sollux laughed and wriggled himself down in Equius’ lap. “Really? Becauthe I’m pretty thure you appreciate it.”

"You are terrible," Equius gasped, putting his fingers beneath Sollux’s cheeks and looking at him, shades to shades. 

"Yeah, I am," he agreed, grinning and flicking his tongue out. "And that’th why you pity me." 

Then he went back to applying his sharp teeth lovingly on Equius’ neck, relishing in the bright blue marks they left in their wake.


	16. Sollux/Jade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "Jade is a rock star that plays her Eclectic Bass, and her proficiency with the complex instrument catches Sollux's attention. (He's probably a tech guy in charge of light shows for her concerts or something, idk.) He tries to learn to play the Eclectic Bass to impress her and win her heart, but he's woefully inept, so he invents a new futuristic instrument to show off with instead."

This time, your plan is going to work out. Not because you think it’s a great plan, because you’re pretty certain it’s actually shit, but because it’s basically the last chance you have to make any impression on this girl.

The girl in question is Jade Harley, known around the globe for first inventing the Eclectic Bass, an instrument so chaotic it probably should have been some kind of anarchist symbol and not a physical, actual, real-life thing, and then gaining even more fame when she rocked so hard on it there were earthquakes in Australia for days afterwards. You first heard about her when you walked in on the shine your brother made to her on his bedroom wall, as he jammed along to her first single with an air Eclectic Bass. 

Now you were working her first tour as a tech manager, making sure things worked the way they were meant to, and touring with Jade Harley meant getting to spend some time with her backstage in rehearsals. Even when you first saw her photo, you knew she was your type: big green eyes and long, silky straight black hair that totally enamored you, but nothing could have prepared you for her wicked sense of humor, overwhelming optimism, and that adorable, tinkling laugh. 

Flirting with someone who was so friendly was hard, as Jade continued time and time again to misinterpret your lunch date suggestions and sincere compliments as mere friendly overtures. You considered that music might be a way to win her over, but you are no band geek; as a child you threw the worst tantrums to get out of piano lessons, and after a spectacularly botched recital your dad finally relented. With no musical talent to speak of, you turned to the one place you'd hoped you'd never have to go for advice: your older brother. Mituna was annoying and overbearing, and yet somehow he’d been in a relationship with one of the hottest and raddest girls you had ever met since he was a twelve year old.

"But you can play an instrument," Mituna reminded you in his nasally whine. "Remember high thchool band?" 

So, during their lunch break on the final tour day, you had somehow been convinced it was a good idea to approach Jade with a triangle in his your pocket. 

"Get ready to have your awesome paw print socks knocked off," you started rather dramatically, hoping that you'd at least be able to appeal to her sense of humor. You reached behind you and pulled out the little metal instrument, and its stick, and proceeded to play The Legend of Zelda theme. 

After the song ended, you grabbed the triangle to stop it’s echoes, and waggled your eyebrows at Jade. She had her hand over her mouth, but even that failed to contain her huge grin as she chuckled (score!) 

"Wow, that is pretty much the best thing I have ever heard." Jade said eagerly. "You can totally have my socks for that!" 

"Or, maybe, you know, you could come to my place and I can show you what else these magic hands are capable of." 

"You mean I get to experience first hand what it’s like to be such a gifted musical talent?" She teased back. "I’d have to be a fool not to accept!"

"Then it’s a good thing you’re not a fool," you agreed. "So… see you on Thursday?"

Jade smiled. “It’s a date!”


	17. Horuss/Kurloz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU: No game session. Prompt: Inappropriately timed confession.

"-And then he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore," Meulin murmured sadly, pulling her legs up to her chest. "I don’t even know what I did wrong! I bet this is just all about his silly nerves, and how he thinks he’s going to hurt me." 

Horuss frowned, and put his arm around his moirail. He was grateful for his destrengthening gloves then, that they allowed him to give her some comfort, as well as a gentle ‘pap’ that Meulin leaned into. 

"Ugh, he’s so cute and cuddly and totally freaking harmless!" She complained. "But when he pushes me away it makes me wish I could be pitch fur him just so I could pull his hair out."

"You probably wouldn’t want to do that," Horuss suggested. "His hair is very nice." 

"Yeah, it is," she sighed. "And his arms are so big, and they feel so purrtective around me. He probably could squash me, but he pities me so much he would never." 

"I do wish sometimes that Rufioh could be so strong," Horuss agreed. "And so… affectionate." 

"And when Purrloz smiles I feel my bloodpusher go wild!" 

"Seeing the highblood has that effect on me, too…"

"But most of all," Meulin continued, as if she hadn’t heard her moirail. "He makes me feel like I matter so much and efurything I have to say is important. 

Horuss sighed dramatically. “Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have the highblood treat me that way.” 

They sat for a moment in their pile, bathed in the glow of a warm, amicable silence, and then Meulin jolted. 

"WHAT?!" 

—

Kurloz Makara visited Horuss’s workshop late that night, close enough to sunrise that he knew Horuss wouldn’t be able to turn him away, and he grinned flirtatiously at the other from across his work table. 

"So, brother," he started in a low, husky drawl. "My pretty kitty girl tells me you’ve got yourself a little flush crush." 

"I.. well, uh, that is to say that I-"

Kurloz swatted at the air, and Horuss quieted. “Ain’t a problem, my blue bro, I’ve always wanted to see just how much you could handle.”


	18. Equius/Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "parents meeting when they take their kids to class"

To say that Kankri is a bit of a problem child is to severely understand how bad of a kid Kankri can be at times. He is your nephew, yes, and you love him, sure, but it doesn’t mean you’re blind to his faults. He’s self-absorbed, he has trouble relating to other kids, he’s bossy, and even though he’s barely turned six he’s eerily condescending sometimes. Your sister likes to think he takes after you, but you don’t really see it. 

When your sister has an important doctor’s appointment at ass balls AM, she calls you up and asks if you can take Kankri to Kindergarten. She won’t say but you’re pretty sure she’s pregnant again, so you figure you should get used to caring for Kankri since she’ll probably be needing you for that more and more. So you agree, and you drag yourself out of bed at 7 am to be at her house, pick up the little brat, and take him off to school. 

"Uncle Karkat, you need to take me up to my classroom," he informs you in his precocious little know-it-all voice, after you let him out of the car and say goodbye. "Kindergartners aren’t supposed to be alone."

You shudder a long-suffering sigh, but figure he knows better than you on the subject, and take him into the building. The security guard doesn’t recognize you, but Kankri vouches that you are, indeed, his uncle, and you’re let in without a problem, thank God.

When you get up to Kankri’s classroom, he leads you to the cubbyhole with his name on it: KANKRI VANTAS, then asks you to hold his bag while he takes his coat off. You look around and see other parents engaged in much the same, and some kids already sitting at their desks, scribbling with crayons. And then you see him.

Your first thought is that he must be some kind of Olympian, and then you consider that he might just be a bodybuilder, one of those “muscles for muscles’ sake” kind of guys. You can’t say it really matters either way, because muscles are your type regardless. So your type. 

But he’s helping a little boy hang his coat, and the boy happens to look nearly identical to him, which definitely puts a little chink in your armor. 

Before you can think better of it, you’re already pointing them out to Kankri. “Who’s that?” 

Kankri looks a little skeptical of your intentions, the brat. “Horuss. And mama says it’s rude to point.”

You put your finger down. “Horuss who? Are you friends?” 

Kankri shook his head. “Not especially.” 

You try not to wonder how he even knows that phrase, and hand him his schoolbag. “Alright. Have a good day. Don’t cause trouble for your teacher.” 

"I won’t," he says airily, taking his things and going to sit at a table. You exit the classroom, but wait in the hallway like a desperate fool for Horuss’ father to come out. 

When he does, you almost wet yourself. He is a lot taller and broader up close. 

"Uh, hi. I’m Kankri’s uncle, Karkat. Vantas. My nephew is in the same class as your… son? Horuss." 

The man gives you a wary look, then nods and reaches out with his hand. He’s got a very firm handshake, you note with a secret amount of pleasure. 

"Equius Zahhak."

"Nice to meet you," you say quickly. "It’s just, sorry to trouble you, but my nephew has been having some trouble making friends, and I was thinking maybe we could have you and Horuss over for a… playdate?" 

Well, at least you got the word ‘date’ out there. He seems to be thinking it over, too, and you don’t want to obviously hold your breath in case he’s just figuring out a way to easily let the nutjob down. 

"That sounds like a good idea," he says instead. "Horuss is very friendly but I believe it’s hard for his classmates to see past some of his more… unique… interests and behaviors. When are you free?" 

"Sat…ur…day?" 

"Perfect. Let’s say we meet at the park at noon, just to keep things on neutral territory." He decides, and then he’s already moving away from you. "Sorry to be so short with you, but I really must be going."

You sort of nod but it hardly matters, since he’s halfway down the hall by the time he’s done speaking. When you see your sister for lunch she tells you that Zahhak’s a widower, and you can’t even hate yourself for thinking, 'Score!'


	19. Tavros/Vriska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "pretending to hate each other"

Vriska Serket threw her bag unceremoniously onto the desk, and then followed after, plunking her ass down into the seat with an irritated huff. 

"Of all the people in Spanish class, I had to be partnered up with you," she scowled at Tavros. For his part, he shook his head and flipped through the textbook. 

"Uh, most people would be grateful to be partnered with me. Since I speak Spanish? At home?" He pointed out meekly. Tavros hated having to interact with Vriska; most days she was entirely unforgiveable, but once every so often, just before he could forget it, she would spend a day… flirting with him, if that was at all possible. It made him so confused, and angry.

"Truuuuuuuue," she drawled lazily, putting her feet up on the chair. "But I don’t think that outweighs the cons of working with you." 

Tavros rolled his eyes. “We’re going to have to work on this after school. Should I go to your house?” 

Vriska gave him a mildly offended look. “Uh, no. We’ll meet at your house,” she said. “But not right after school, I have stuff to do.” 

"Like, detention?" He muttered, picking up his pen and transcribing the assignment from the textbook. A moment later, when the full scope of his words hit him, Tavros’ gaze darted to Vriska. He was surprised when she wasn’t as angry as he expected her to be. 

"Actually, yes," she snapped. "I’ll be at your house at five." 

And then she grabbed her bag and got up, just in time for the bell to ring. 

—

It was five forty-five when Vriska rang the doorbell, and Tavros opened the door quickly. 

"You’re late," he frowned at her. "So late that Rufioh thought I was lying about you coming to keep him from bringing Horuss over, and now he’s mad at me." 

Vriska scoffed, and waved her hand. “Then I did you a favor. Or did you want Zahhak Senior sweating all over your stuff?” She strode in carelessly, and Tavros shut the door after her. 

"First off, uh, that’s rude. And come on, it’s almost dinner, and we have work to do." 

He led her to his bedroom, not that she needed the leading; when they were kids, they often had play dates when their parents dated. Vriska threw her bag onto the floor and sat at his desk chair, and Tavros took a seat on the bed. 

"So we need to write a script for—" 

"Laaaaaaaame. And you don’t need to tell me, I know how to read." 

"Right, sorry. So… do you have any ideas?"

"I’m sure you do."

"Well, actually, yeah. I was thinking we could-"

"-Sounds great, let’s go with that." 

Tavros frowned. “I didn’t even get to say what my idea was.”

"Well, it’s not my fault you talk at a snail’s pace. And it really doesn’t matter to me what your idea is, it’s probably A+ material and I can’t be bothered to worry about Spanish. Just tell me what to say, I’ll say it, and we’ll be done with this as painlessly as possible." 

"No, Vriska. I’m not going to write our whole project and let you take the credit." 

Vriska shuddered a long-suffering sigh. “I liked you soooooooo much better back when you didn’t argue. “

"Yeah? Well, uh, to be honest, I never liked you." He scowled. "So just hurry up and get your book out, and then go home." 

Vriska was gaping at him; he could feel her expression without looking up from the page. On the inside, Tavros felt himself quavering, but he did his best to keep up a firm exterior. Her eyebrow arched.

"Wow, Tavros, I’m impressed. You’re finally facing your fears," she drawled, getting up and stepping towards him. Tavros flinched, and fell back on his bed. Vriska was above him in an instant. 

"I guess I need to figure out a new way to toy with you," she said, and then before Tavros could react, she kissed him.


	20. Equius/Sollux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "meeting again at a high school reunion"

Nepeta was the one who convinced him to come to this; Equius Zahhak didn’t have many friends in high school. But she had begged, and pleaded, and whined (a little), and (mostly) resorted to blackmail, all because “if I go without you, people will spend the whole night asking about you and it’ll get super annoying!” 

So he was back in his high school’s gym at 6:45 pm on a Sunday, standing by the bleachers with a cup of virgin punch while Nepeta cooed over Terezi’s baby.

"Holy shit," a voice came from beside him, and Equius turned so quickly he nearly spilled his drink. "Equius Zahhak?" 

It took Equius a long moment of staring to remember who he was looking at. “Captor…?” 

"Yeah. Holy shit, you’re huge." Like he was one to talk. Though Sollux had been one of the taller boys in their graduating class, it seemed as though he was a foot taller now than he was ten years prior, now even taller than Equius for sure. His acne was gone, and his skin looked like it had actually seen sunlight and was all the better for it. He no longer wore prescription anaglyphic glasses, but now had plain, clear lenses on a handsome thin frame. And gone (at least for the night) were the sloppy graphic tee shirts; he was actually wearing dress clothes. 

"Uh… thank you?" Equius asked. He hadn’t realized people would be noticing his new bulk, and it was a bit strange to receive compliments on it. He had wrestled for a while in high school, before his hyperhidrosis led him to quit, but a few years later he had taken up an interest in MMA, and it showed. 

"No, yeah, that was definitely a compliment," Sollux assured him. "I didn’t expect to see you here. This doesn’t seem like your kind of scene." 

"To be fair, it doesn’t seem like yours, either," Equius commented, and Sollux was… gaping at him? 

"Are you kidding? The chance to see how badly the people I despised screwed up their lives? I wouldn’t miss it for… well, there aren’t many things I’d miss it for." He cackled. "Speaking of, did you see Ampora? Apparently premature balding is a thing in his family." 

Despite himself, Equius smiled a little at the thought. He remember Eridan’s vanity well, and the way he often tried to solicit Nepeta’s attention. “I will have to keep an eye out for it.” 

"Last I heard, he went to the bathroom to spray the bald spot black." Sollux informed him. "So, why are you here?” 

"Nepeta brought me along," Equius told him, seeking her out in the crowd. It appeared she was in a conversation with Tavros, Karkat, and Gamzee. He resolved to keep an eye on it.

"I’m glad she did." Or not, as he turned his head quickly to give Sollux a surprised look. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah," Sollux nodded. "I mean, we made a good team the few times we worked together. Hardware guy, software guy. Not that my wares are always soft," he winked. Equius felt his cheeks warm up. 

"…Uh…?" 

"I’m flirting you with." He said bluntly. "Just, by the way." 

"I… see. I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but… why?" 

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sollux drawled. "You’re kind of gorgeous." 

For lack of anything better to say, all Equius could muster was, “Oh.” 

"Yeah. So, how about you let me refill that drink for you, and we can get reacquainted?" 

Equius handed over his cup, and Sollux beamed.


	21. Mituna/Latula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "one night stand and falling pregnant"

It isn’t very hard to track the guy down, even thought it’s been a month since Latula last saw him. She had heard about a party the night after the last day of finals, and since she was a senior she figured she’d give her last college party a go while she had the chance. He must have thought the same thing because he was there, six foot-something with tousled hair in his eyes, being basically the hottest guy Latula had ever seen, on top of definitely being the hottest one at the frat house. Some of her classmates made unkind comments about him when she’d asked who he was, but that only made Latula more curious. She had grown up with a blind little sister, she knew that people tended to give the disabled shit for stuff beyond their control, and certainly that they tended to be more “abled” than people gave them credit for.

Mituna introduced himself, with a bit of a stutter and a killer lisp, but he was heavy with the flirtatious quips and his energy reminded her of a playful puppy, totally endearing. So they made themselves comfortable in an empty bedroom and got to know each other, mad biblically. 

And that was fine, expect a little more than a month has passed and now Latula’s got a positive pee-stick in her hands. Or, well, it’s in a zip-top bag in her hands, because it’s kind of gross to be carrying that around, but who knows if Mituna would believe her otherwise. She looked him up on facebook when she first became suspicious of the state of her womanly parts, and then asked him out for ice cream when her first test came back a yes. 

And there he is, licking his chocolate-vanilla swirl without a care in the world. With a heavy sigh, she clenches the test in her hands and looks up. 

"So, Tuna-Bro, I guess I sort of had an ulterior motive when it came to asking you out on this date." 

He looks up at her, and grins wickedly (and oh shit, he’s still hot even with his progeny making itself cozy in her gut). “You want another go on the MT mobile?” 

Despite her terrible situation, Latula chuckles. “Not exactly. Actually, I probably won’t wanna go on anyone’s spunk rocket for a long time after this. I… kinda got pregnant.”

And bless him, he actually just _lets go_ of his ice cream cone. “Shit. You mean like-” and he gestures a wide semicircle in front of his stomach. “-with babies?” 

"Definitely babies, unless my life’s turned into some sci-fi horror flick." 

"That would be bad," he agrees, and then he frowns. "Shiiiiiiit." 

"Hey," Latula says gently, because the guy’s taking it pretty hard. "Don’t be too bummed, it happens. We made a dumb mistake but it’s not like we’re the first people to do that." 

Mituna nods a little warily. “Is this the part where I ask you to marry me?” 

"I’d probably have to say no to that," she says with a shrug. "But I wouldn’t be opposed to another date. You know, while we figure out what we wanna do with this parasite in my uterus." 

And Mituna, in spite of the insanity that is having a one night stand hunt you down on social media to tell you she’s expecting, just grins.


	22. Rose/Kanaya [NSFW]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "prostitute/client au"

"You know," she says slowly, the words rolling off of her tongue as if she’s savoring them, "we don’t usually see girls like you come around here." 

She has her back to Kanaya, as she’s tinkering with some knick-knacks on her dressing table. When she turns around, her lips are as black as night, and somehow it’s complimentary to her pale eyelashes and long, thin nose. If Kanaya was younger, she might liken the woman’s eyes to amethyst gemstones, but the reality was that it was a little freaky having purple eyes trained her on as they were. Freaky, and yet it created that little shiver in Kanaya’s spine. Well, it’s no wonder why she’s doing so well in this business.

"Girls like me?" Kanaya echoes when her voice finally comes back. 

"Nice girls," the harlot says, taking a seat on her bed. 

"I’m not a ‘nice’ girl," Kanaya countered quickly, with a bit of a frown. The harlot raised a thin eyebrow.

"Is that why you’re here, then? Because you’re a bad girl who needs to be punished?" She teased. 

"No, it’s not that either. I just… well," Kanaya cleared her throat. She could feel her cheeks going pink. "I have needs too." 

Now the harlot seemed understanding, and she nodded. “We all do,” she cooed. She stroked the sheets in the spot next to hers. “Come here, and let me tend to you.” 

"I… I don’t even know what to call you?"

With a devious little wink, the blonde girl leaned over her. 

"Call me Rose."


	23. Equius/Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "two miserable people meeting at a wedding"

Karkat Vantas wasn’t exactly sure what it was that brought him to the wedding of two of the people he loathed most in the world, but there he was, at a table with Sollux and Aradia, on the groom’s side of the reception hall. Tavros, along with the newly dubbed Vriska Nitram, were swaying on the dance floor to a mindnumbingly sappy slow song, and he was wondering if the dessert fork was sharp enough to kill him. 

Normally, Karkat was a bit of a sucker for weddings, but his utter abhorrence for Vriska made it hard for him to feel anything but repulsed. He wasn’t really sure if he even pitied Tavros, or if he felt like Tav deserved whatever he had coming for actually proposing to a sociopath. 

Sollux and Aradia got up when the DJ invited other couples to join the newlyweds, giggling so loud Karkat figured they were just fucking with him, because they were a pair of dicks. They proceeded to dance, and soon so did the other people at the tables around Karkat’s, but he remained in his seat, playing with some of the lace on the tablecloth. 

"Come on come on" the DJ said, changing the song to something more party-oriented. "I want every one of you out on the dance floor! That includes you, red bowtie," he added when Karkat gave him the stink eye, and he turned away in shame at being called out. "And whoa, look at tall, dark, and sexy over there. Ladies, someone get on that, quick!" 

Karkat looked across the room, and saw the man in question; he was incredibly tall, definitely well into the 6 foot range, with sleek straight black hair and a blush like a tomato’s skin. Once he was called out, he strode off, but not towards the dance floor; he went right out of the ballroom door. 

Curious, Karkat followed, leaving the venue entirely. He found the man sitting on the sidewalk, his awkwardly long limbs all scrunched up together, and noticed that he looked so ridiculous because he was actually quite muscular. 

"You okay?" He asked, though it came out as a grunt. Socializing with friends was easy for Karkat, but with strangers it was like pulling teeth.

"I’m fine," the other man said in a gruff, but not unpleasing, voice. 

"That DJ is a prick," Karkat mused, sitting on the sidewalk near to him. "Calling people out? Seriously? But then, he was hired by Vriska, so it’s not too hard to believe."

The man chuckled, seemingly despite himself. He looked up at Karkat, who for the first time could see the other’s piercing blue eyes. Whoa.

"Oh," he said. "You must be red bowtie." 

"I prefer Karkat Vantas," he introduced himself as he held his hand out to shake. He wasn’t raised in a barn, after all. 

"Equius Zahhak." 

They made small talk until Karkat’s stomach rumbled and reminded them that dinner was inside. Later on, when Karkat asked Equius for a dance, he had the last laugh when Sollux’s gaping maw was struck speechless: a new date and a one-up on his best friend made it the best night he could have imagined.


End file.
